Sunday, June 28, 2009

Dear Diary.....

It is Sunday morning. Chuck is still asleep. And I am feeling pretty low.

Friday I had an appointment for a pedicure. A luxury in a time I should be saving. Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be because the van had a flat. Chuck dropped off the tire at the store and went for his chiropractor appointment and 2 hour massage.

While he was gone I tried Jillian Michael's Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism. It is 40 minutes of crazy high impact, high intensity Jillian madness. It's pretty advanced and I felt like I was going to die. I made it through the DVD but there were times that I just could not keep up with the exercises. I also injured my hamstring in the process. Yay, me.

Also did Leslie Sansone 4 mile walk. I think it's about 55 minutes. So I did get a lot of exercise in Friday.

That night we went out for gyros. I ordered potatoes instead of fries (trying to make at least one good choice here) but the potatoes were so fatty and buttery and had an "off" taste to them. I only had a couple of bites. I did have a baklava for dessert.

Afterwards we went to see The Proposal which is hilarious and I recommend it. Great movie. But they had a preview for a new movie coming out called Old Dogs that had everyone in the theater laughing so hard including me. I can't wait to see that one.

Got home and had a sugar free margarita. Trying to be a little good with my rita making it sugar free. Then I got munchies and the pretzels and caramel rice cakes made an appearance. Not good, Kelly.

Saturday morning started out fine...good breakfast. Went to Chuck's IDPA shooting match and he came in first in accuracy but didn't do as well in speed. It was way too hot to be running around out there. He had an issue with the heat and almost blacked out. It was pretty serious. What makes me mad is that he didn't tell me until afterwards that he was having trouble.

Stop to get him some food and get hydrated quickly at (not the best choice, Kelly) Casa Ole. Crap. No I didn't do good here. It's not like I don't know that this stuff is fattening and unhealthy. So why do I do it?

The dudes at the tire store put my tire on backwards (I didn't even realize that was an option) so we had to go by there and get that changed out. Then to REI where I drooled over backpacks and imagined myself hiking rim to rim of the Grand Canyon. ahhhh. Tried out a Thermarest pad and compared weights of tents. One day I'll be a backpacker. I was happy to see another full figured lady there trying on daypacks. Usually the only people who shop there are skinny and in great shape. I always feel a little out of place.

Things went further downhill for me when we went to the Kemah boardwalk on a very nice date. It was such a beautiful evening strolling together hand in hand. We ate a Louisiana inspired restaurant called Babin's. For an appetizer we tried fried alligator. Though it was very good I could not help but think about all of my alligator friends at Brazos Bend. :( I also had a martini, Greek salad, baked sweet potato and blackened amberjack with a lump crab meat sauce. OMG, so delicious. For dessert I had a very small glass of drambuie.

And now we are caught up. And I feel pretty crappy. I got on the scale and it showed a 4 pound gain. Just typing that makes my face turn red with embarrassment. If I know something is a bad choice and I'll regret it later then why do I make that choice anyway? It doesn't make sense.

I'm sorry this post is such a downer. I thought it would be good therapy for me. I can't pity myself because it's my own fault. The only one who can change anything is me. That's it. I just have to eat correctly and exercise. That's the secret to weight loss in case you are interested. Doing it is the problem. You either do it or you don't.

I expect to utterly fail my half pound challenge. There will be a gain. But right now, at this moment, I am rededicating myself to working hard at getting this weight off. I can't half-ass it anymore.

What a struggle this is. If you've made it this far you deserve a medal. Thanks for hanging with me and listening to me whine. I'm sure the next post will be more "me" and upbeat.

A couple of good things: We get the kids today and the lady at REI suggested I try a size MEDIUM pack. I was expecting her to say they didn't carry my size. :)

21 comments:

  1. As someone who has to do extra work if you succeed at the half-pound challenge, all I can say is: keep up the good work!!!!!

    JK...you know the bulk of the gain is water. You've still got half a week to get it in gear and rock that scale.

    I snuck a peek at the scale yesterday and was sure I was going to register a gain because of a high-sodium out-to-eat experience. That weight goes fast tho.

    Buck up and get it done. I promise you...you don't want to miss out on the JSKAHAHAPC commemorative poem.

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  2. One weekend of bad eating isn't so bad. It's when the eating turns into a week, a month, a year that it's bad. You obviously know where you went wrong, and I KNOW you have the power to get back in your healthy way of eating.

    I hope you enjoyed all of that food though, because it sure sounds delicious!

    By the way, I grew up in the outskirts of New Orleans, and I've had my fair share of alligator. YUM! It's one of my favorites!

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  3. I have so been there. Just trying to eat healthier all the time but lose my mind in the midst of baked goods (and Trader Joe's goodies). It is depressing to lose and then gain. I have a constant cycle of that. But I have to look back and see the pattern of loss does make me lighter eventually and move me closer to my goal. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. We all have bad weeks! We AAALLLLL make those not so great decisions sometimes. ALL OF US. It means you are normal and human.

    And I would never, ever say you are 'half assing' anything. Girl, you are working HARD..so do NOT short change yourself..do you hear me?

    The good part is that you can recognize your back slide. But you must also recognize that this is not a failure, it is normal. Now it's time to stop looking back, that was yesterday and you can't change it. Time to look forward and try better next week. That's all we can do..TRY OUR BEST from THIS point forward.

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  5. I have a problem with perfectionism. I think I must be perfect with my eating at all times.

    Reality is different.

    Life happens, Kelly. There is a big difference in life pre-weight loss, though. Would you have eaten that way and never given it a second thought? I know that's what I used to do. Now you realize.

    Life isn't perfect, but I bet you are back on program--and if not, I know you will be.

    You're only human. Forgive yourself and move on.

    And hey, I love that you posted this. I love the real stuff. We all make stupid choices. I ate Freetos yesterday. It was stupid, I knew better, but I did it anyway. Then I ate pizza for supper.

    I decided to not beat myself up over it and move forward. I hope you do that, too.

    hugs

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  6. Don't beat yourself up so badly. If this were easy, everyone would be whatever size they wanted to be.

    I personally don't think of any food as bad, just food. You make those bad food chocices as you say because it tastes really darn good. ;)

    I'm sure like last week, that it is water retention.

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  7. I had a bit of that this weekend - I call it "one thing leads to another" - and for me, that is why I try so hard to not take that first bite of certain things...but I'm back on track and I'm sure you will be, too.

    It's a reminder that we are human and fallible and life happens.

    Hope you have a fantastic day today - the past is done...learn from it but don't beat yourself up over it (I'm telling myself this, too).

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  8. I know how you feel, Kelly. I have been there many times! We aren't going to make the perfect choices everytime; it's not realistic. We're always so hard on ourselves during our weight loss journey, but we are going to have "those days" sometimes. Even though we know that it was a little blip on the radar screen, we can't help beat ourselves up. It's normal to feel frustrated; don't let it get you too down. Glad you vented; sometimes that's half the battle! You're the best!

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  9. Kelly just so you know you are not alone, I mess up sometimes too. In fact I don't like to be around boring people that never mess up. I don't like to be around people that don't get back out there and try again either. Life is short live it. Life is short enjoy it. Eating healthy makes us feel better while we are living, but once in a while I think it feel good to mess up, then recover. Hugs. Betty

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  10. I won't bore you by reminding you of what you already know. You definitely know what to do, and you know how to do it. You also know that some of the gain is just temporary.

    What I will say is that, as someone who has been there and still finds herself in those situations on a regular basis, you are doing the best thing possible. I certainly indulge from time to time, and all I can do afterwards is brush myself off and get back on the horse.

    Back before I got down into a weight range where I felt, at the very least, comfortable, I struggled with my trip-ups even more. It's hard when you want so badly to see results. Just remember that you have time. It will happen. Focus on all of the positive things you are doing (because you are doing SOOOO many positive things), and just keep chipping away at it.

    While I was in the process of losing half of myself (hee hee), I vacationed for a week in Italy. I didn't just fall off the wagon, I fell off and got run over by it! Ha! It happens, but you will be fine.

    I hope you enjoyed your eats. They definitely sound yummy. It has been ages since I've had fried 'gator! I remember that it was yummy. I also remember laughing with my friends because the cliche was true. It... tasted... like... chicken. :-)

    Did you get the backpack? Those are the kinds of things I always found to be good rewards for reaching certain goals. I enjoyed my hike in Alaska so much that I keep thinking I need to do some hiking around here. I can't even imagine hiking the grand canyon, but I wouldn't be surprised in the least to hear that you've set out to do just that!!

    I hope you have a great week!!!

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  11. I see you have plenty of support. It is one thing to accept responsibility, but another to beat yourself to death into low self-esteem and failure.

    In approximately the same time span, I have lost 25 lbs (Jan 1 to date) you have lost 50. I know I am older and cannot exercise to the extent you do, I do what I can and be happy. I have had some gains- some unexplainable, some definitely my doing. And I am doing it on-line because I don't drive at night.

    Every age group has obstacles that deter losing: salt, inactivity, slower metabolism, etc. We all have to overcome our individual roadblocks.

    So dust yourself off and keep going. You've come so far, don't give up. It is a journey, finish it!

    BTW I love your excursions, like the Dinosaur Park. As a former Texan I can relive some events when I was younger!!!

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  12. Aw, Kelly. I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. Try not to get too down on yourself! It's good you got all of this out. All is not lost, though. You've come so far, and one bad weekend can't take that away from you. Relax, regroup, and try again :) You can do it!

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  13. Tomorrow is Monday, and you will be back to a more normal routine with the kids home, so I bet the weight will drop off, and maybe even in time to be in on the JSKAHAHAPC commemorative poem. I hope I am there with ya! :-)

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  14. Awareness is the first key to change and you already know that you don't want to continue eating into the week that way. So, you'll do great. Weekend is over, its already the past, just forget it and move on. You deserve to enjoy a new, fresh day. Linda

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  15. Aww Kelly, I know you are awesome and I don't need to say anything to remind you of such. You will be back in no time. Just as long as you don't let it get to you! And we will be here to stick it out with you.

    P.S. Are you serious about the fried alligator? Maybe it was that... alligator bloatiness..

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  16. Wow! Look at all of the kind, supportive thoughts people are sending you.
    Are you possibly working out too much high impact, crazy sh*t? When I get too tired, I get a little down.

    The road to the Grand Canyon wasn't built in a day!
    Love your blog!

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  17. late to the soiree and am so in awe of the fantastic tips and comments youve already gotten.

    how you be now woman? :)

    ready to get back on track? let me know if I can lend a hand.

    xo xo,

    Miz, who is totally longing to see Mr.Ryan Reynolds in that movie as well.

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  18. I so feel for you reading this post :) BLOG HUG!!! It's a journey, there are bumps, bends, dips, mountains, molehills, etc. etc. Being a long time reader of your blog, I know how amazing you are at getting your bootie back on track, so I have complete faith that this was just a dip in the road on your way to goal :)

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  19. hey kelly, know why i love reading your blog?...because you are effing real! seriously...i have over 1000+ posts that I can't get to in my google reader, but i don't EVER delay reading yours...and it's because you are an actual person...with actual personality...and actual honesty...I LOVE THAT! know what i would have done...i would have not posted (or totally LIED!) and then let myself spiral into a big puddle of tears and melted ice cream...you rawk! and life is meant to be ENJOYED! if you wipe off the wagon....just imagine the weight you will lose chasing that thing to get back on!

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  20. Woohoo on the suggestion of a medium pack! ;-) Last night after being out in the sun all afternoon, a great snack bar for dinner at a local restaurant and a couple of beers while soaking in the hot tub, I got on the scale and it was TEN POUNDS HEAVIER than last week! OY! Now, I normally weigh in the morning for my official weigh ins. But that number was quite startling! And I was down seven pounds from that number this morning. Still! DANG!

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  21. If I know something is a bad choice and I'll regret it later then why do I make that choice anyway?

    This is something that I ask myself over and over. I can think: "Okay, I'll go to this restaurant and get salad", but when I get there the fries/pasta/pizza/etc look so good I get them, knowing full well it's going to be super high in fat, calories, and sodium.

    Will I ever learn? Sometimes I think not *sigh* Still, we have to keep trying. What's the alternative?

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