Some statements I've been guilty of either saying out loud or in my head:
- "My ass is taking over the world."
- "If I jumped off a bridge I would fly because of my bat wings."
- "You're never going to lose this weight."
- "You'll never be able to run a mile."
- "You've really let yourself go."
- "I don't like who I am."
- "I bet every one looks at how fat I am when I walk in a room."
- "Why can't you be like X? She/he lost weight so easily."
- "I'll never be able to (fill in the blank)."
- "Why bother putting on make up or getting dressed up? It's not like it will help you look any better!"
I'm not proud of the things I've said/thought. I'm just being honest with you. I've been making an effort to change negative thoughts for a while. But sometimes......well....they come back.
Just last week I was trying so hard to run. Others seemed to do it without much effort. Why is it so difficult for me? I give it my all and I mean that. I work hard. I push myself. It's still hard.
I have apparently forgotten how far I've come. I found my journal from when I first started to lose weight. I was 250 pounds. By the time I started keeping my journal I had lost about 10-15 pounds. I can't remember and I was too ashamed to actually record my weight.
- "I've lost 7 pounds! Doctor says blood pressure is high."
- "Today I blew it and went to IHOP. Feeling really bad about that."
- "Lazy and not feeling like dieting or exercising. Semi-trying to stick with it. Worked out to Biggest Loser #1. Still can't do a lunge or jumping jack. I'm going out to eat."
- "Paddled 8 miles today. An alligator growled at me!"
- "Today the scale is my friend: 10# gone. Feel good but am a little tired."
- "Jumped on trampoline a little. Didn't do any cardio like I should have."
- "I feel big and heavy today."
- "No exercise. I feel heavy, big, depressed and sleepy. Chuck ordered a Bodybugg for me!"
- "Someone commented that it looks like I lost weight!"
- "not much strength in legs. Struggled w/cardio."
- "went camping. walked 2 miles. My thighs chafed so bad on the hike and they hurt."
- "really tired today. Why haven't I lost my tummy yet?! Ate a Cafe Adobe. Oops."
- "Feel so fat tonight. Will the weight ever come off?"
- "weight creeping back up!! Did Biggest Loser #1 cardio. Still can't do a lunge or squat or jumping jack. Gotta lose this darn weight!"
- "actually had some energy today"
- "Woke up early from panic attacks. better now. Very tired today."
- "weighed in at 234 for 16# lost. Not bad!"
- "it hurts to ride a bike. will I ever be in shape?"
- "Why am I so bummed? Is it because the weight is suffocating? The road seems so long? The weight loss so slow? Oh and xxxxx lost 30#. My weight better come off! Tired of being fat!"
- "The exercise is really good for my energy and mood."
- "Blew it!"
- "OK so the past couple of days I have eaten poorly. Today it caught up with me. I gained 3#"
- "I did 5 min. walk, 32 min. walk/jog at 12 sec jog/1-2 min. walk. I have to lose that weight!" That was my last entry.
Wow. The depression. The self hate. The negativity. It makes me sad. I wish I could somehow go back in time and comfort that person. I don't even feel like that was me. But it was. I remember writing those words now.
Look at how down I was because I could only jog for 12 seconds!!! Last week I jogged .3 of a mile. It's progress. I've lost 44 pounds. I'm happy. I love me for who I am right this minute....not who I'll be when I lose the weight.
(I need to post a more recent pic. This is from May 2009)
Please don't use negative talk with yourself. Only positive. Keep pushing and never give up. Progress may be slow but it is progress.
I'm keeping my journal. It is a precious reminder of how far I've come and of a place I never want to be in my life again. I'm happy with how far I've come and look forward to pushing myself to progress even further.
I think blogging has been important in the journey as well. I can put my feelings out there and you guys are so supportive and offer suggestions. Thank you!!!
I think I'll go for a nice long walk with my family today and enjoy life. The journey is just as important as the destination.