"I'm not sick but I'm not well."
Lyrics from a twisted little song by Lit. I think that pretty sums me up at the moment.
I don't want to give the impression that I'm a weird chick who is more moody than a teenage girl. I'm just going through something right now that I don't quite understand. Blogging is a good way for me to work through things and express what I may have trouble saying.
For a few weeks I have been a little down. Sometimes it's more than a little down. Sometimes I am a lot down. Depressed even. That's not me.
Small things can send me over the edge into feeling down in the dumps. Sad. Lonely. That's not me.
I stopped wearing my bodybugg, counting calories, exercising regularly, even blogging regularly. That's not me!
I'm still watching what I eat even though there have been a couple of times when I opted for the fried shrimp instead of grilled. Yeah, not the best option but very tasty. My clothes still fit the same so I guess I'm not gaining weight. That's good. Oh yeah, the scale has been banished to my closet. I hate that thing. It's like the fortune teller from hell. Depending on what number it gives me will determine my mood and actions for the day. I don't think so.
I've been sleepy and unmotivated. I've let some things get to me that shouldn't. I've let other people determine if I will be happy or not. I'm tired most of the day but have trouble sleeping at night.
Usually when I feel a little "off" I'll do some self reflection to try to understand what the problem is and then evaluate it. A kind of self therapy, if you will. But this time I have searched and can't find the source of this moody high and low that I'm going through. There are things that happen that get me a little down but usually I bounce right back. Why not this time?
I think the best thing to do is dust myself off and just do what I need to do regardless of how I feel. I need to strap on that bodybugg and reach calorie burn goals. I'm not sure I want to obsess with calorie intake counting right now. It gets to be a bit much. I need to exercise regularly. I need to stop relying on other people for my happiness and find my own joy. I need to stop worrying about everything and just be happy.
I have a great life: a nice home, pets, great kids, hobbies, camping trips, a husband who treats me like the center of his universe. No reason to be down. Oh god! I hope it's not hormones! When do women start going through menopause? I'll have to look that up.
See? I'm already feeling better just getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening.
On the weight loss front, I did not run this morning. I had trouble waking up because I had trouble staying asleep last night. I am going to run this evening. No, I really am. For 30 minutes. True story.
Thanks for the therapy session. Believe it or not, it really does help. :)