Thursday, June 10, 2010

I'm not Sick But I'm not Well

"I'm not sick but I'm not well."
Lyrics from a twisted little song by Lit. I think that pretty sums me up at the moment.

I don't want to give the impression that I'm a weird chick who is more moody than a teenage girl. I'm just going through something right now that I don't quite understand. Blogging is a good way for me to work through things and express what I may have trouble saying.

For a few weeks I have been a little down. Sometimes it's more than a little down. Sometimes I am a lot down. Depressed even. That's not me.

Small things can send me over the edge into feeling down in the dumps. Sad. Lonely. That's not me.

I stopped wearing my bodybugg, counting calories, exercising regularly, even blogging regularly. That's not me!

I'm still watching what I eat even though there have been a couple of times when I opted for the fried shrimp instead of grilled. Yeah, not the best option but very tasty. My clothes still fit the same so I guess I'm not gaining weight. That's good. Oh yeah, the scale has been banished to my closet. I hate that thing. It's like the fortune teller from hell. Depending on what number it gives me will determine my mood and actions for the day. I don't think so.

I've been sleepy and unmotivated. I've let some things get to me that shouldn't. I've let other people determine if I will be happy or not. I'm tired most of the day but have trouble sleeping at night.

Usually when I feel a little "off" I'll do some self reflection to try to understand what the problem is and then evaluate it. A kind of self therapy, if you will. But this time I have searched and can't find the source of this moody high and low that I'm going through. There are things that happen that get me a little down but usually I bounce right back. Why not this time?

I think the best thing to do is dust myself off and just do what I need to do regardless of how I feel. I need to strap on that bodybugg and reach calorie burn goals. I'm not sure I want to obsess with calorie intake counting right now. It gets to be a bit much. I need to exercise regularly. I need to stop relying on other people for my happiness and find my own joy. I need to stop worrying about everything and just be happy.

I have a great life: a nice home, pets, great kids, hobbies, camping trips, a husband who treats me like the center of his universe. No reason to be down. Oh god! I hope it's not hormones! When do women start going through menopause? I'll have to look that up.

See? I'm already feeling better just getting it off my chest. Thanks for listening.


On the weight loss front, I did not run this morning. I had trouble waking up because I had trouble staying asleep last night. I am going to run this evening. No, I really am. For 30 minutes. True story.

Thanks for the therapy session. Believe it or not, it really does help. :)

6 comments:

  1. Dear Kelly
    *sigh* and big hugs back at 'cha!
    The hormone question - I hit mine at 46-47. Hence now I am old.....
    The scales - good riddance!
    The love - it's funny. The more we share it, the more there is to share. It's when it's with-held that is starts to go away.
    Please "go easy," and know that this will somehow work out. (This coming from me?)
    But yes, it's true. It can't last forever.
    Hugs and love!

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  2. I wish I could reach through the blog world and give you a great big hug!

    Sometimes we get in these moods. It's normal. But yes, you have to dig yourself out of it too.

    Btw, my mom went through menopause at about 49. You're still too young right?

    Good luck! Once you dig yourself out, you will feel better. Seriously take a look at what you are eating. It makes a HUGE impact on your mood!

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  3. Sorry you're feeling down, Kelly :( I think we all get that way sometimes. Keep getting out and enjoying nature like you do. It may help pep you up. Or try to do something that is just for you. I'm not sure what you're going through, but I know as stay-at-home moms we tend to lose ourselves a little. We are all things to everyone and somehow, our needs get pushed to the background. We get major burn-out. Often, a little "me time" turns out to be just what the doctor ordered!

    Hugs to you and I'm only an email away if you need to vent :)

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  4. I'm sorry you've felt so low - that is no fun. I think you are a little young for it to be menopause - maybe things are just getting to be too much by the end of the school year? I know I was always ready to crawl into bed and stay there by the time May rolled around - I was just done. Do you take the summers off of homeschooling?

    If the thought of counting calories and the bugg sounds overwhelming, then just go with your instincts - eat good, natural, healthy food, do your running, and live life the way YOU want to. I'm telling you - if you run several times each week, you will lose weight. More importantly, you will feel better about yourself and life in general. I know for me, when I complete a run, I feel like I own the world (ok, and I'm really hot, sweaty and tired...but you know what I mean - remember how you felt after the Armadillo Dash?).

    Ack, I should have just emailed you this...send me a vent if you need to. I'm here for you, my sweet friend.

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  5. I hope you find the source. I think you may have hit upon the source.

    Since I'm much older I relate those symptoms to a recent bout of anemia which went on for 8 months until one doctor took the bull by the horns.

    A good physical might be in order but you may have already done that.

    As far as the scales in the closet, etc. I am in a funky phase there too. But I have set some new goals so revving up to accomplish them.

    You have accomplished much more than I. I am confident you will rebound. You have such a good support group.

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