Friday, December 31, 2010

Frustration

I hate to end the year on a negative note but I have this little blog so I can chronicle the ups and downs of life and the scale and everything in between.

My scale had been dancing around 184 and 183 earlier in the week.  My calculations (adding my calorie deficits every day) showed that I should be on track for losing as well.

Yesterday I stepped on the scale and it had gone up to 190/191.  It's hard to read that scale.  I thought it was odd and felt that it would go down again.

My new scale (the withings WiFi scale) arrived yesterday.  I got it set up and it confirmed what my old scale said....a gain. A gain?!  I weigh my food.  I track everything.  My son insisted that I try an Oreo so I took one bite then recorded the calories for that bite.  Seriously.  I make sure to have a calorie deficit every single day.  I have a tan line where I wear my bodybugg!

Today is no different.  Same stupid gain.  Maybe it's hormonal.  I mean, I have been kind of testy lately.  Wanting to tell random children that Santa doesn't exist.  Wanting to rip things apart with my hands.  Little anxious.  Perhaps it's hormonal?  And maybe that's why there is a weight gain?

I've been drinking water like I should.  I've been eating like I should.  Exercising like I should.  It just makes me want to pull my hair out and scream.  And I know me.  This usually wouldn't bother me so badly.  Usually I would think, "It's only temporary.  I'm doing everything right and my clothes are fitting better.  It's no big deal."  Maybe the hormone issues are making me freak out a little more than usual.

Also, Sunday morning is my last weigh in for the Challenge I've been doing.  My last weigh in is going to show that I lost 1 or 2 pounds.  There's no place for me to add a note that I've really lost more.  I've worked my ass off and never strayed.  But it's the final number that counts in weigh ins.  Not intent.  And that sucks.

Darn it!  I'm sorry to be such a negative nellie this morning.  I'm sitting here in brand new clothes that my sweety got for me.  My size 16 jeans are a little looser around the waist (still having trouble with the lower belly pooch).  I have a wonderful family and blogger friends.  Life is good.  I know that.  It's just a little slap in the face to see my hard work come to naught. Ya know?  Just frustrating.  I'm sure I'll feel better about it soon.

The disappointment won't derail me.  There have been times in the past where this has happened and I was like, "What the hell?  Why do I try?  Let's go out to eat tonight."

I'm not an emotional eater.  I don't eat if I'm stressed or sad.  I usually do the opposite and can't eat anything!  I just make wrong choices with food.  I like the unhealthy stuff.  And it adds up.  I just enjoy the social aspects of food at holidays and dinner parties and restaurants.  I like a good, stiff drink.  That's my problem with food.  Not that I've been doing that lately.  I've been a saint with my food.  Always staying within my calorie guideline.

And in the back of my head is my doctor telling me that I'm going to have a tough time losing weight with my thyroid issues and high insulin resistance.  But I can't take the pills though because they give me chest pains. 

Life goes on.  And I never give up.  Never ever.  I always have hope that one day I will win this battle.

Happy New Year.  Looking forward to 2011 filled with new adventures. :)

14 comments:

  1. Oh it has to be hormones with all the testiness...that isn't you, normally. Stupid hormones messing everything up! It is so freaking frustrating when you've done everything right and that damn scale slaps you in the face.

    Another thought, though - could be the exercise and harder workouts are affecting the scale - for me, exercise did not always go hand-in-hand with weight loss, but my size did change. It will drop, eventually - but is sure is a pisser to have to wait it out (and not eat through that frustration). Hang in there - 2011 is yours, my friend!

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  2. Hang in there Kelly. It's hard when the scale doesn't show your efforts exactly when you need them to, but they will show up. :D

    (and secretly I think you need to eat more, but that's just me!)

    Happy New Year to you!!

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  3. I hear ya and I felt your pain last week. Guess what? This week I will have a nice loss. I think us women have to deal with extra water retention during certain TOM. NO MAN IN THE WORLD KNOWS WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE STABBING PAIN IN THEIR BALLS, TERRIBLE BLOAT THAT THE LOWER PART OF THEIR STOMACH AND FINGERS AND FEET COULD BE USED AS A FLOATATION DEVICE AND LOWER BACK PAIN THAT MAKES YOU CRAWL INTO A BALL EVERY FUCKING MONTH! However, keep the faith, keep going, you will be happy with next weeks loss.

    Have a happy and healthy New Year.

    Peace.

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  4. *cheers for Brett* Hear, hear!

    Kelly, I know it's frustrating. Just don't let it get to you. Flip your scale off..yes, literally :)

    And next week, just go from there.

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  5. Ahhh!!! I hear ya! You know... you should take your inches. There have been times when the scale doesn't show it... but the lost inches do.

    The challenge end is NOT your end. Its just a small fraction of the work that you have done and will continue to do.

    keep running, keep up with your bands and keep a smile on that face! Happy New Year!!

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  6. Hormones are such friggers, aren't they?! I feel ya, Kelly. Although, I haven't been doing as stellar with the food as you have, I've definitely been experiencing weird hormonal stuff. Got a doc appt. for mid-Jan, so hopefully she can shed some light on it.

    Anywhoo, I can understand your frustration with the scale which is why I had ditched it for quiet a while. It was making me nutzo. My only advice would be to switch to a monthly weigh-in. Then you won't see so many ups and downs on the scale that make you crazy! I know you know this - you are much more than a number on the scale! Try to let it go and not let it frustrate you! Happy New Year, Kelly! You are awesome!

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  7. I had to laugh when I read you "No Santa" comment - I can so relate to that....
    chin up lady... it will work out... you will see.

    I just sent you a link in FB - watch it...

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  8. The scale - a blip on the radar!
    The math never really works out as it "should."
    In a perfect world, no one would have ever gotten heavy to begin with!
    Back to it in a great new year!

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  9. When I had a period, this happened monthly, as you can guess. Now, menopausal, it happens when I eat high sodium foods--Chinese food, for example, or Greek with all that feta cheese. I will go up, simple.

    If I sleep too little and the kidneys don't get to do their nighttime mojo, same.

    So, rest assured the whoosh will come. It's frustrating--but it will come.

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  10. Scales are like shoes; they need to be broken in. You just need to show that scale who's boss 'round these parts!

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  11. It must be the combination of hormones and exercise. Try not to give the number any power. Just keep workin' it girl.

    Happy New Year to you and yours!

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  12. Kelly the body is a very strange thing! It doesn't always do what we want it to do.
    Happy New Year and i truly believe this will be your best year yet!!

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  13. The best part of this whole post is you saying that you won't give up! Way to end 2010 strong.

    Happy New Year Kelly!

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