I hate to end the year on a negative note but I have this little blog so I can chronicle the ups and downs of life and the scale and everything in between.
My scale had been dancing around 184 and 183 earlier in the week. My calculations (adding my calorie deficits every day) showed that I should be on track for losing as well.
Yesterday I stepped on the scale and it had gone up to 190/191. It's hard to read that scale. I thought it was odd and felt that it would go down again.
My new scale (the withings WiFi scale) arrived yesterday. I got it set up and it confirmed what my old scale said....a gain. A gain?! I weigh my food. I track everything. My son insisted that I try an Oreo so I took one bite then recorded the calories for that bite. Seriously. I make sure to have a calorie deficit every single day. I have a tan line where I wear my bodybugg!
Today is no different. Same stupid gain. Maybe it's hormonal. I mean, I have been kind of testy lately. Wanting to tell random children that Santa doesn't exist. Wanting to rip things apart with my hands. Little anxious. Perhaps it's hormonal? And maybe that's why there is a weight gain?
I've been drinking water like I should. I've been eating like I should. Exercising like I should. It just makes me want to pull my hair out and scream. And I know me. This usually wouldn't bother me so badly. Usually I would think, "It's only temporary. I'm doing everything right and my clothes are fitting better. It's no big deal." Maybe the hormone issues are making me freak out a little more than usual.
Also, Sunday morning is my last weigh in for the Challenge I've been doing. My last weigh in is going to show that I lost 1 or 2 pounds. There's no place for me to add a note that I've really lost more. I've worked my ass off and never strayed. But it's the final number that counts in weigh ins. Not intent. And that sucks.
Darn it! I'm sorry to be such a negative nellie this morning. I'm sitting here in brand new clothes that my sweety got for me. My size 16 jeans are a little looser around the waist (still having trouble with the lower belly pooch). I have a wonderful family and blogger friends. Life is good. I know that. It's just a little slap in the face to see my hard work come to naught. Ya know? Just frustrating. I'm sure I'll feel better about it soon.
The disappointment won't derail me. There have been times in the past where this has happened and I was like, "What the hell? Why do I try? Let's go out to eat tonight."
I'm not an emotional eater. I don't eat if I'm stressed or sad. I usually do the opposite and can't eat anything! I just make wrong choices with food. I like the unhealthy stuff. And it adds up. I just enjoy the social aspects of food at holidays and dinner parties and restaurants. I like a good, stiff drink. That's my problem with food. Not that I've been doing that lately. I've been a saint with my food. Always staying within my calorie guideline.
And in the back of my head is my doctor telling me that I'm going to have a tough time losing weight with my thyroid issues and high insulin resistance. But I can't take the pills though because they give me chest pains.
Life goes on. And I never give up. Never ever. I always have hope that one day I will win this battle.
Happy New Year. Looking forward to 2011 filled with new adventures. :)