Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Letting Go

Time to get personal. I don't always share my feelings or deepest thoughts on here because, believe it or not, I'm a rather private person. I don't let people get too close because I've been burned in the past. I'm protective of my feelings. That's not always a good thing.

I've come to the conclusion that I am fed up with a few things about myself. It's time to do some fall cleaning (though it feels nothing like fall) and dust off some cobwebs in my life. So this post is all about letting go of stuff that doesn't need to be present in a Happy Texan.

1) I'm letting go of being afraid to try new things. I like to think that I'm adventurous but when it comes down to it I'm a scaredy cat. The last adventure I went on screwed me up pretty good. It was a zip lining trip. Every one else had fun but I was fighting back tears and I was shaking so badly that I couldn't even remove the cap from my water bottle. After that I was afraid of the water slides at Splashtown and generally afraid to try anything. What the hell is wrong with me?! LOL

So I'm letting go of that fear. It's ok to be afraid. It's not ok to let fear hinder you. I can be afraid but I can not let it stop me from moving forward. Fear is nothing than focusing on the worst possible scenario instead of focusing on the best.

Along those lines I did something yesterday that I am usually afraid to do: ride my bike on a major road. I usually ride in the neighborhood or a state park. This time I got out on a main road. And you know what? I survived!!
 But always safety first. Or at least second or third.
full dork mode. lol
30 minutes, 7.01 miles, 13.8 mph pace

2) I'm letting go of negative self talk. Even when I had an 18" waist in high school. Even when I weighed 120 pounds and had a beautiful stomach. I've never been happy with myself. I've never felt pretty or had a good enough body. I'd kill for that body now! LOL 

I've always had the bad habit of finding something negative to say if I receive a compliment. "Your legs are looking good."  And I'll say, "Not really. I have a long way to go. You should see my belly!"  Instead of just saying thank you.

I will love my body for what it is at this moment and be proud of everything it lets me accomplish.

These legs are starting to get some muscle. And I love them. Yes, I still do have a way to go but I'm happy with  my progress.
 3) I am letting go of sabotaging my weight loss. I like food. Food likes me. It likes me so much that it likes to hang around for a while on places like hips and belly. Even though I know this, I still do this:

 Not good. A splurge meal is fine once a week. A splurge week or month is not acceptable.

4) I am letting go of complacency.  Even though I still complain about my body (well, not any more because I'm letting go of that) I have become complacent in my weight loss/getting in shape journey.  I've lost a large amount of weight and I'm overall happy with where I'm at. I've stopped pushing hard for each pound and inch. I've settled.  That's not good. I want more.

So I'm going to be a bulldog again with this weight loss. Focused and determined to shed the last remaining pounds and inches. No more complacency.

5) I'm letting go of my fear of being hurt. Life is filled with happy times and not-so-happy times. We've all been hurt in the past. I've kept nearly everyone I know at a distance and not let them get close to me because I don't want to go through those painful times again. And it's nonsense. I'll take the good with the bad and not be so worried about it. I'll slowly chip away at the fence around my heart.

6) I'm letting go of the mundane (common; ordinary; banal; unimaginative). I used to look for something new to try/see/experience every month. For some reason I've stopped doing that. I also used to love to look for things interesting in the everyday occurences of life. I wanted to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. It made life so much more interesting!
"Look at this flower. It looks like a bat face!"  Recently I've just been coasting along day in and day out. I'm not unhappy by any means. I've just let everything become mundane when everything used to hold so much wonder for me. I'm letting go of that and enjoying every single moment and looking for the beauty in all things. Exploring life like a child who sees things for the first time.

Like this sunrise. It's beautiful. I actually stopped to look at it for a while before starting my run today.
Hill training run this morning: 20 minutes, 12:38 pace, 1.6 miles, avg HR 155 bpm

7) I'm letting go of fear of failing. I was afraid of joining the running club because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up. I was afraid to run that hill in the picture above because I was afraid I couldn't do it. I've been afraid to enter a group bike ride because I'm afraid of falling behind. I've been afraid to add swimming to my exercise routine because I might not do it right.

Enough of that mess. I can do anything if I want it bad enough. I'll tell you now that next year I will do a triathlon. Why not?! I can do it. Who the hell cares if I'm the last one across the finish line?

8) I'm letting go of negative thoughts during workouts. "This is so hard." "I can't breath!" "Is that a pain in my knee?"  "How much further? I don't think I can make it!"

I've noticed a huge difference when I think negative thoughts during a workout and when I think positive. Let's face it, there are days when you just don't feel like working out. But you get out there anyway. I have the habit of thinking, "I really, really don't want to do this." 

Or when hill training I look at the top of that hill and think, "There's no *&#$T@ way!!"  Or when lifting weights I'll think, "This hurts so bad!!!" And then I do poorly.

BUT when I think positive thoughts I actually do much better.  When I'm running I think, "I'm floating across the ground. This is easy."  Or during my last long run I thought, "I know I can walk this so I know I can run it. Take your time and enjoy the scenery."

With weights I do better when I think, "Wow, I can really feel my muscles working. I can do this!" instead of negative thoughts about the pain.

It's a mental game. Thoughts become reality. Your thoughts control what you become. What you can conceive, you can achieve.

So, I'm curious. Is there anything that you need to let go of?

14 comments:

  1. oooohh, i love all these thoughts! I think you've already started on a lot of them though - joining the running group sounds like an amazing breakthrough moment for lots of reasons. It's awesome how things like this can snowball and help you pick up momentum in a lot of other parts of your life.

    I am still working on letting go of negative thoughts while I'm working out, but being a coxswain has been amazing for me. I have to be the voice inside everyone's head, keep them focused, keep them going. And after months of doing that for other people, I find myself doing it for ME when I'm running, lifting or rowing. I can't motivate other people by telling them this is too hard or it hurts too much, so why would I motivate myself like that?

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  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS.

    That is all.

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  3. Kelly...I am so awed by you. You are able to say things that are buried deep within most of us. I applaud your striving to make the best of everything around you. Don't give up on yourself...ever! I am sorry that there has been pain (I guess we all go through it), but now that we have finally reconnected, you are ALWAYS welcome to call me when you need me! I will be here for you!

    Take care my good friend!!

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  4. Beautifully written/said/put. And we? Will not be letting go of you because we are excited to see the adventure you are about to take us on!

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  5. Oh this is a good post and one I certainly can relate to. Several of your points are exactly the same things I need to let go.
    I'm terrible at accepting compliments - I'm forever making them less than they are given and I'm learning to accept and say thank you. Point #3 is what happened to me over the summer and man does it show.
    You got it when you say your thoughts become your reality - you focus on the negative long enough, that's all you are going to get! I'm all for letting it all go!!
    :)

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  6. What a beautiful post. And I thank you for writing it. I too, usually hold my truest feelings inside and don't share with too many people, but we never know how much we are helping someone else when we do finally express ourselves.

    I have some cobwebs to dust away too. One of the biggest would be to appreciate myself more. Embrace who I am and what I look like.

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  7. FANTASTIC post and FANTASTIC idea! This is very inspirational. All the best as you "let go" and beyond!!

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  8. Such an honest an open post.
    I think if we are honest with ourself we will find that there are many things we can let go of, things that we push down for no other reason than we think they are real when in fact they aren't.

    This world is a far better place with you in it. And there are people out there that are going to reap great things because of you being in their life.

    Trust me... I know first hand.

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  9. Love this post. Love your honesty. Love your legs (hubba hubba!).

    I think I'm letting go of timeframes.

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  10. Chuck practically has me blubbering. I LOVE your husband...in that "what a fabulous person" not, not in the "hubba-hubba" way!

    I hang on to a lot of fear too...I have to do something very difficult on Monday and I am sick at the thought of it, but I have to do it.

    I also have to let go of my high expectations when it comes to other people.

    This is a really great post Kelly, lots to think about it.

    Hugs!

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  11. Well said. We are oftentimes our own biggest obstacle.

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  12. Oh my Kelly, I could have written almost the entire post! We have a few things in common.

    Especially the negative talk during workouts, the negative selftalk and the sabotaging of the weight loss.

    As for number 6, this year I'm doing a 365 photo challenge: I have to take a photo every day. What I've noticed is that it made me so much more aware of the things around me and appreciate the little things more.

    I think you can do this and will do this. Thank you for sharing this with us.

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  13. Love it too!
    I ask myself that all the time -
    What the hell is wrong with me?
    Glad it works for you.

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  14. This is a really good post. You can do it! You can let go of the negative things in your life.

    I need to take a page from your book on a lot of those things.

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